Definitions of emotions and experiences from Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart
xviii “I learned that taking the edge off is not rewarding but putting the edge back on is one the most worthwhile things we can do. Those sharp edges feel vulnerable, but they are also the markers that let us know where we end and others begin.”
xx “People will do almost anything to not feel pain, including causing pain and abusing power;
Very few people can handle being held accountable without rationalizing, blaming, or shutting down; and
Without understanding how our feelings, thoughts, behaviors work together, it’s almost impossible to find our way back to ourselves and each other. When we don’t understand how our emotions shape our thoughts and decisions, we become disembodied from our own experiences and disconnected from each other.”
xxi “The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.”
xxi “Language shows us that naming an experience doesn’t give the experience more power, it gives us the power of understanding and meaning.”
xxx “In order to recognize, name, and make sense of our feelings and experiences, we have to:
- Understand how they show up in our bodies and why (biology)
- Get curious about how our families and communities shape our beliefs about the connection between our feelings, thoughts, and behavior (biography)
- Examine our go-to (behaviors), and
- Recognize the context what we’re feeling or thinking. What brought this on? (backstory)“
Places We Go When Things Are Uncertain or Too Much
5 Stressed “We feel stressed when we evaluate environmental demand as beyond our ability to cope successfully. This includes elements of unpredictability, uncontrollability, and feeling overloaded.”
6 Overwhelmed “Overwhelmed means an extreme level of stress, an emotional and/or cognitive intensity to the point of feeling unable to function.”
Engage in non-doing is the cure for overwhelm. Pace around or take a dump with no phone.
9 Anxiety “APA (American Psychological Association) defines anxiety as an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.”
11 Anxiety leads to 2 coping mechanisms: Worry and Avoidance
“Worry is described as a chain of negative thoughts about bad things that might happen in the future.”
“Avoidance is not showing up and often spending a lot of energy zigzagging around and away from that thing that already feels like it’s consuming us.”
12 Anxiety and excitement feel the same, but how we interpret them can determine how we experience them.
Excitement “Described as an energized state of enthusiasm leading up to or during and enjoyable activity.”
Since anxiety and excitement feel the same, labeling bodily sensations as positive can help guide us on what to do next.
Dread “Dread occurs frequently in response to high-probability negative events; its magnitude increases as the dreaded event draws nearer.”
Fear “Fear is a negative, short-lasting, high-alert emotion in response to a perceived threat, and, like anxiety, it can be measured as a state or trait.”
13 “Dismissing fear and anxiety as not useful to our quest of connection is as dangerous as choosing to live in constant fear and anxiety.”
Vulnerability “Vulnerability is the emotion that we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.”
What are times in my life that I have been vulnerable?
“Vulnerability is not oversharing, it’s sharing with people who have earned the right to hear our stories and our experiences.
Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
Places We Go When We Compare
20 Comparison “Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other-it’s trying to simultaneously fit in and stand out.
Be like everyone else, but better.”
Upward comparisons (compare us to someone that is perceived better) leave us feeling “not enough.” Downward comparisons (comparing to someone perceived to be performing worse) makes us feel “better than.”
24 Admiration “We feel admiration when someone’s abilities, accomplishments, or character inspires us, or when we see something else that inspires us, like art or nature.”
- Admiration often leads to us wanting to improve ourselves and not wanting to be like the person we admire. Wanting to be better versions of ourselves
Reverence “A deeper form of admiration or respect and is often combined with a sense of meaningful connection with something greater than ourselves.”
25 Envy “Envy occurs when we want something that another person has.”
- Involves 2 people
- One lacks something enjoyed by another
26 Jealousy “Jealousy is when we fear losing a relationship or a valued part of a relationship that we already have.”
- Involves 3 people
- One fears losing someone to another person
- The core form of jealousy primarily involves threats to relationship rewards including loss of a loved one’s attention, affection, or resources to another.
28 Jealousy is the response to feelings suck as anger, sadness, and/or fear. So it is an evaluation that we use to respond to those previous feelings.
30 Resentment
- Part of envy not angry
- I’m not mad because you’re resting. I’m mad because I’m so bone tired and I want to rest. But, unlike you, I’m going to pretend that I don’t need to.
- This is a test to see if this pops up